Firan as the Iliad
From FiranMUX
If Homer's Iliad Were Set On Firan
This is a mock-log of what Firan staffers think it would be like if the Iliad were told on FiranMUX. (Or more properly, the movie Troy, starring Brad Pitt, as you please.)
[Greek] King of Thessaly wonders why we're timestopped.
[Greek] Agamemnon says, "We're waiting for Achilles."
[Greek] Achilles says, "Sorry! Was TSing elseMU**. Back now!"
Long distance to Odysseus: Agamemnon shakes his head. Remind me why I sponsor Achilles again?
[Greeks] Corpse of Boagrius says "Yeah, Achilles just jumped and stabbed me in the shoulder and killed me in one shot. He didn't even let me pose. Twink."
[Greeks] Achilles says, "Sorry, Boagrius. It's nothing personal man. It's all about the SP."
[Help] Patrocles says "Hey, according to @sheet/background, I'm Achilles' cousin, but he doesn't show up in @sheet/family."
[Help] Steph says "Read your secrets."
[Troy] Hektor says, "Well, that's a wrap folks. Just signed the peace treaty with Menaleos."
<OOC> Helen laughs. You're never gonna believe this... I just got the libidinous emit.
[Help] Helen needs to talk to a wizard about her sheet..."
[Public] Paris says, "Helen=:gently caresses your naked thigh, leaning down to lick the small beads of sweat from your skin. He gazes into your eyes with love and adoration, as he begins to unclasp his own clothing."
[Public] Paris has left the channel.
[Public] Menelaos says, "What the ####?"
Helen pages: Well, it's not like Menelaos ever actually RPs with me. He just goes OOC when I come into a room, and ignores my messengers and everything. He hates me and just keeps me as a trophy, and the wizzes don't care.
Long distance to Helen: Paris smiles. Well, /I/ appreciate you..."
[Troy] Hektor groans. "Wanna know why Helen is off the @where list?"
[Troy] Helen has joined the channel.
[Troy] Helen waves! smile.gif
[Troy] *~Beautiful~* Helen sets her comtitle, and smooches on Paris.
[Troy] Handsome Paris snugs Helen and kisses her passionately. Welcome to the cool channel! It's good to have a beautiful woman around now.
[Troy] Andromache has left the channel.
[Troy] Briseis has left the channel.
Long distance to Priam: Hektor grimaces. There goes the neighborhood."
[Troy] Hektor says, "We're giving her back."
[Troy] Priam says, "Can't. The NPC riots have already started and you can't back down.
[Troy] Hektor says, "I have oratory 5."
[Troy] Priam shakes his head. "No good. Shaming the mob never works."
[Troy] Priam says "I need to find someone to rp my wife. Hecuba has been on the roster since I played this char."
[Help] Priam says, "Can I get a wiz to break my sponsorship to Paris? The code won't go through before the Greeks get here if I do it manually.
[Troy] Paris giggles. Just thought of something. You know what Trojans are?
From afar, Hektor sighs, it's bad enough he's a moron ICly.
From afar, Priam nods. But it'll make some good RP, and if we're lucky, he'll die, right? So, what's the worst that can happen?
From afar, Hektor hates it when you say that.
[Greek] Penelope gets back to her sewing and shakes her head at Menaleaus. "I don't know what you see in Helen anyway! But Oddy better be back by the time my @birth code runs."
[Greek] Achilles says, "Don't worry Penny, I'll stay with you."
[Greek] Odysseus says, "No you won't. You're coming with. And Penny, don't worry. We'll kick Trojan ass and be back in time for dinner.
[Greek] Ajax says, "I wouldn't be too sure of that. We should be rolling over them but they're going to make it hard for 'game balance'."
[Greek] Clytemnestra is so pissed, Agamemnon! She was almost old enough to be chargenned!"
[Troy] Handsome Paris giggles. "Dude. Clytemnestra... that sounds like a STD or something. What kinda name is that?""
[Wiz] Joel snickers. "Dude. Clytemnestra. That sounds like an STD or something. What kinda name is that?" *pokes Steph*
[Troy] Paris says, "The archery code is totally broken. Every level in skill we gain, we get worse. Look at all we're throwing at them, and the Myrmidons are storming the beach anyhow."
[Troy] Aenaes says "They have access to the Myrmidon style only because they know the wizzes."
[Troy] Helen says, "Achilles is a huge combat-monster."
[Troy] Aenaes frowns. "Hektor, that was my kill."
[War] Agamemnon says, "Yay! I am the greatest war leader ever! The beach has been taken in my name, on the first day of our landing!"
[War] Achilles has left the channel.
[War] Patrocles has left the channel.
From afar, Ajax sighs, "You know, he's supposedly some great general, but all he does is log in at the end of the battle to take all the credit. No doubt he'll get a 1 million SP bonus for doing jack.
[War] Agamemnon says, "What? Was it something I said?""
[Help] Briseus has joined the channel.
[Help] Achilles has joined the channel.
[Help] Achilles says "Is there a way to see a person's virgin tag?"
[Gods] Apollo says, "You know, Achilles is really starting to irritate me."
Paris gets away from Menelaos.
Menelaos gets into a position to attack Paris. Paris may attack also.
Paris gets away from Menelaos.
Menelaos gets into a position to attack Paris. Paris may attack also.
Paris gets away from Menelaos.
Long distance to Priam: Hektor facepalms. This could take a while..."
[Greek] Corpse of Ajax grumbles. "This wouldn't have happened if they hadn't taken away the combat gloves."
[Greek] Achilles glares at Agamemnon. "I can't believe you Noble Priviliged Briseis."
Achilles has disconnected.
[Greek] Emporer Agamemnon says, "Achilles logs off again. What a surprise. Does he have a proxy?"
[Greek] Patrocles nods. "Sure, I'll go."
[Troy] Paris says, "Achilles is only pissed because Patrocles and him are "roomies" RL.
[Help] Priam asks, "Can a wiz force my niece off of the Troy channel? She's TS'ing Achilles, and I'm afraid she's leaking IC military information to him OOCly!"
[Troy] Briseis sighs. "Look, I told you. He ran the seduce command before I could engage him."
Andromache looks up at her husband, tears in her eyes. "I... I don't know what to say..." She rocks their son, who reaches for his father, his little face innocent and incomprehending.
Hektor puts on his Elaborate Brass Helmet with Ornate engravings.
Baby Astynax howls!
[Help] Hektor asks, "Can I 911 a social imperative by a God? I don't think it's IC for me to run away."
[Greek] Corpse of Patrocles woots! I killed Hektor.
[Greek] Corpse of Patrocles says "Sh*t. Mav."
<OOC> Corpse of Hektor says, "Holy! What combat style were you using?"
<OOC> Achilles grins. Combat/swords 6, baby. Got my own style.
<OOC> Corpse of Hektor says, "And a twinky style it was, too."
<OOC> Achilles says, "Oh, so you wanna play that way, huh? Well, watch this."
[Help] Achilles waves. "Hey, can a wiz tell me how to hitch a body to the back of my chariot, code-wise?"
[Troy] Corpse of Hektor says, "Y'know, Paris, next time you want to TS someone, just go make a character on Shangrila, okay?"
[Troy] Handsome Paris says, "Wait, you mean I'm in charge?""
[Troy] Corpse of Hektor has left the channel.
Priam says, "Son, as long as you carry the Sword of Troy, the city will be safe."
Priam gives Sword of Troy to Paris.
Paris wows, "Gee, thanks dad!"
Paris drops Sword of Troy.
<OOC> Paris doh!"
[Troy] Priam says, "First they said I could have the body. Now they won't let me have it, and Apollo hasn't even logged in to read his mail."
[Troy] Priam says, "And now they're telling me it's impossible for me to sneak into the middle of the Greek camps to plead with Achilles without being caught, but I can't social-imp him unless we're in the same room."
[Troy] Handsome Paris says, "Let me go, dad! I'll bring his body back."
Long distance to Priam: Corpse of Hektor gahs. Well, maybe he'll get himself killed.
[Troy] *~Beautiful~* Helen says, "NO!!!!"
[Troy] *~Beautiful~* Helen clings to Paris. "Don't go get yourself killed! Stay here, I need you!"
[Troy] Handsome Paris smooches Helen. "Oh, alright."
[Troy] Corpse of Hektor makes a whip-cracking noise.
From afar, Priam shakes his head. Why did they approve him for this character, anyway?"
[Public] Odysseus wrote this long thread on Ikonboard about how to get into the city, but then IE crashed on me."
[Wiz] Jeanne sighs. "You know, if Oddyseus 911's one more time with one of his 'grand plans' I'm going to @addconfer."
[Greek] Oddyseus says, "Okay, the wizzen say we have to do some see it and rp it logs for this horse thing, and it's gonna take a week to do it."
[Greek] The Great Achilles says, "Aw man... oh wait! I think I have an idea!"
[War] Humble Achilles says, "Hey, did yall want to do that funeral games stuff? It'd give us all a break, right?""
[War] Corpse of Hektor says, "Sure, Achilles. I mean, you already dragged my body around the city walls; why not throw a party that I'm dead, too?"
[War] Humble Achilles says, "Bitter, much?""
[Help] Achilles says, "Is it allowed for someone to buy themselves up to combat/archery 5 from archery 2 in the space of like, a couple days? 'cause I think Paris is twinking."
[Troy] Handsome Paris says, "We really should burn the horse. It's not a sculpture! It's doesn't show up on @products!"
Laocoon says "It's too heavy. Let's just leave the horse here."
Kraken has arrived.
<OOC> Laocoon has a bad feeling about this.
[Troy] Handsome Paris says, "I still think we should burn it."
[Troy] Priam says, "Right, Paris thinks we should burn it. Let's get it inside."
[Troy] Paris says, "Who opened the gates? They had to have access to the @gates code, and that's just me and Priam. I just KNOW someone is cheating!"
[Troy] Paris says, "Oh, riiiiight. They jumped out of the statue. Did anyone even get a @check on Perception to detect them in there? The gods favor the Greeks, I just know it."
[Troy] Priam says, "I'm going to 911. No way they could have built a horse big enough to hold people, and where the #### did Odysseus get all that wood? It makes no sense."
[Troy] Aeneas says, "Get used to it, man. Ever since Homer quit the staff Virgil is running tinyplots!"
[Troy] Corpse of Priam says, "Holy crud. Paris was right for once."
[Troy] Handsome Paris says, "SEE! I SO TOLD YOU!! Nobody ever listens to me!
[Troy] Cassandra says, "Don't EVEN start, Paris."
[Help] Aenaes says, "Would it be out of character for me to get the #### out of this city?"
[Help] Corpse of Achilles says, "Hey, can I speak to a wiz for a moment? I think something's wrong with the combat code; I just was killed by an arrow to my /heel/?"'
[Help] Corpse of Achilles says, "Is 'heel' even a valid hitloc?""
From afar, Helen nods. Yeah, this is /totally/ unfair. I mean, first they made it almost impossible to kill Achilles, and let him PK Hektor. Then when Paris figures out how to take him down, they dump this horse on us? If Paris dies, I think I'll just reroster..."
[Greeks] Corpse of Menalaus waves. "Hey everybody!"
[Greeks] Oddysseus stares. "What happened? I thought you got out safe with Helen."
[Greeks] Corpse of Menalaus shakes his head. "It was retconned."
[Public] Agamemnon has joined the channel.
[Public] Agamemnon waves.
[Public] Agamemnon says "Is anyone here?"
[Public] Agamemnon says "Why won't anyone talk to me?"
[Public] Agamemnon has left the channel."
[Wizards] Poseidon says "How much mana would it cost to sink the whole fleet?""
[Wizards] Poseidon says "Oh. I don't have that much. What about just effing with one of them?""
[Public] Lord of Seas, Poseidon eyes Odysseus.
[Public] Odysseus gulps.
[Troy] Corpse of Priam is leaving the game. "Lemme know when Steph decides to give the Trojans some _happy_ tinyplots for a change."
